I would like to know how our culture
became such a “never enough” culture. Why is it that our society
makes us think that constantly popping anxiety pills and working at
least 12 hours day is normal and anything less is unacceptable? Is it
just me? Certainly it isn't. How have we come to believe that
defining our own success means to out-do the person next to us? “If
my 'To Do' list is just as long or longer than her's, then I am doing
enough. Otherwise, I will be counted as lazy.” And how have we come
to believe that working until completely exhausted means our
self-worth is at an acceptable level?
Is there anything wrong with figuring
out a lifestyle that allows you to sit down and enjoy calmness? A
lifestyle that doesn't mean accomplishing as much as you possibly can
because that's what society tells you is acceptable? A lifestyle
where you aren't in the middle of one task and thinking how to
accomplish the next? A lifestyle that only means accomplishing what
is important to YOU and nothing more? NO!
But here's the question: What IS that
lifestyle?
William S. Burroughs said “Your mind
will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the
answer.” The other part of that quote, I believe, is “and choose
to accept the answer.”
I've been experiencing that lately. For
the last couple of years, I have been worrying so much about
accomplishing as much as I can – that if I didn't accomplish all I
could and work myself to unhealthy levels (like I've seen others do)
then my self-worth would decline. My “To Do” list always seemed
way bigger than I could handle. I hadn't been planning realistically.
I would construct my “To Do” list for the week, which would list
the tasks I needed to accomplish daily (Sunday - Saturday) to stay on
track. Most of the time, I would end up packing each day too full of
things I knew I couldn't realistically accomplish, but I would think
“If I just hammer down and work really hard, I can probably
accomplish all of this.” True.... But I was trying to live every
day like that and accomplish 16 hours of work in a 12 hour time span
without planning for any additional factors, such as, oh, eating
lunch, going to the bathroom, or dealing with those daily random
emergencies that will always arise when you have a tight schedule
planned. Can you say “burnout?” Can you say “stupid?” Can you
say “Why the crap would anyone set themselves up to live like
that?”
Now.... some people do live like that.
And that's where the guilt comes in... “If other people are working
this hard, then I should be, too. Right? If not, I'm lazy. Right?”
Wrong. This is where our personal choice comes to play, and personal
choice is something that is okay to have. (Even though we all,
including myself, struggle with it.) Just because your buddy next
door gets up at 4 am to go to the gym, works out, and makes it home
in time to shower, fix a healthy breakfast, and “suit up” all
before she makes it into work by 8 am, doesn't mean you sleeping in
until 8:30 is lazy. It just means that's you're choice. Your buddy
may want to live a lifestyle that requires her to get up and run like
a bat out of hell until her head hits the pillow again. If that's her
choice and she's happy, then good for her. However, if you find
yourself sitting back, watching, and thinking “Are you friggin
kidding me?!” then, chances are, that lifestyle is most certainly
not for you. Moreover, the next time you have a conversation with
said buddy and they start complaining about never having enough time
on their hands to enjoy the small joys of life, then you can feel
even more validated that you are living a lifestyle that is best for
you regardless of whether society deems you successful or
hard-working or whatever other label they believe they are worthy
enough to give you. In short, screw 'em! As Elea Roosevelt once said,
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And as
my sister, Crysta, says: “They ain't noooooo body...” True and
rewarding happiness trumps the negative, judgmental nay-sayers any
day of the week. Besides, how do you really want to live your life?
Do you want to stay so busy that it all flies by and your six feet
under with nothing but your name and “She worked hard” on your
tombstone?? I don't think so.... Of course, I want to be remembered
for working hard, but I want to be remembered for so much more than
that.
Granted, we all have to work, but as
Shannon Panzo says “Work smart, not hard.” I know some people
hate that phrase, but I have no reason but to love it. It's true. In
my mind, it simply means to work more efficiently, which also means
to work in a way that fits your lifestyle and your desires for a
happy and meaningful existence.
 |
| A big part of my happy and meaningful existence - building my life on my land |
I also believe the saying “You can't
have it all.” I think no matter what I have in my life I will
unfortunately always want something else, (Yes, I unfortunately have
the grass-is-greener syndrome.) But I understand that is just part of
my personality. What else I do know about myself is that if I can
look up from what I'm doing at any given moment in my life and find a
reason to smile and love the life God has given me – simple or not
– then I will be fine. I am perfectly content to revel in ordinary
greatness... most of the time. And for the times that ordinary
greatness isn't enough, I have my bigger projects, like watching my
dance students, that lays evidence right in front of me that my life
and my purpose is bigger than I probably give myself credit for.
Performing in front of an awesome crowd doesn't hurt either!
Back to the original point I am trying
to make: In the past several months, I have learned that I need to
slow myself down. That I need to work smart, not hard, and that I
need to quit trying to do EVERYTHING! Not only can you not HAVE
everything, but you can't DO everything either, and that is a hard,
ugly fact I have to come to terms with. It's a bittersweet
realization.
I'm currently on vacation sitting in my king bed in
an oceanfront hotel room overlooking the ocean and marveling at the
wonder of life and happiness. I am vowing to myself to make a change.
I have many ideas to make my life smarter, more efficient, less busy,
and more enjoyable. In sitting in this moment, I am hopeful that I
will be able to make these changes and I won't allow myself to be
swept up in “That's just the way life is” when I get back home.
I'm thinking I should even use this blog as a method to be held
accountable – a regular journal of how I'm getting closer to MY
ultimate lifestyle and not society's definition of what my life
should be. It will be a “full” life. Not a life “full” of
hassle, stress, anxiety, and packed calendars, but a life “full”
of daily self-worth, creative living, marvels, exploration, and
amazement in the opportunities and possibilities of life. MY life.
The life I want for myself that my heart defines and not a life
influenced by the desires of society.
That sounds like a plan... And maybe,
if you haven't already, you can find your “full life” with me?
Here's my short list of things I want
to accomplish:
- Living a more sustainable, off-the-grid life
- Being able to breath in the middle of the day and not have heart palpitations thinking about my “To Do” list
- Have time and/or the opportunity to marvel
- Explore unknowns about myself and the world around me
- Be thankful for and appreciate the things in life that really matter
- Reduce my material desires
I'm determined. Who's with me?
No comments:
Post a Comment