"Be a First-Rate Version of Yourself, Not a Second-Rate Version of Someone Else." - Judy Garland

One thing I’ve always been insecure about is… my body. What woman isn’t, right? And I’m sure guys have similar insecurities as well. I don’t know why I’m insecure about my body. My parents never made me feel inadequate. I wasn’t very popular at school, but I was never picked on about my physical appearance. I was a bean pole. The only thing I fell below the bar on, or at least other girls thought so, was my fashion. *shrugs shoulders* Maybe that had something to do with it. Who knows?

Anyhoot, I am insecure about my body. Mostly the dreaded mid-section – the love handles and the back fat. Most people who know me would probably be saying “What fat?! You dance! How can you be out of shape?!” My response… “I know… I know… I should be perfectly happy with my body and quit needling the small things."

But then that leads to other insecurities. “What does my hair look like? What does my make-up look like? Am I dressed cute and trendy?” And really – what does it matter?! If we spent as much time fully experiencing life as we do worrying about our appearance, we just might be actually LIVING life.

I write this as I’m on vacation. Last night, I tried to dress up to achieve that “cute and trendy” look. Apparently I succeeded because I went to a celebrity look-alike show where “Madonna” complimented me on being so tall and looking like a model. “Dang…,” I thought. “What am I worried about?”

After the show, the hubby and I went walking around at a nearby park. I was feeling pretty stylish with my high heels on, but I was quickly reminded not to take myself too seriously when one of those high heels decided to give way. That’s right – my sole fell right off my shoe right there in front of everyone. I gracefully tried to cover it up, seamlessly bending down and pick up the rouge sole; however my gracefulness didn’t last long… There went the other shoe. The exact same thing. Sole gone. “What in the world?!” I think to myself while my husband tries to hide his chuckles. Initially, my pride was, of course, hurt. But why should it be? I just started laughing with my husband. (I might as well, right? Laughing is more fun than hurt pride, after all.) My hubby helped me back out to the car (both of us chuckling the whole way), and I found another pair of shoes – flats that definitely suited me better, much more my personality and a lot less painful. I actually felt like myself again, which lead me to my thoughts…

Why do we continually try to impress other people and worry about what other people think? Why do we stray from “ourselves?” Why not just do things to make ourselves feel good instead of trying to make ourselves look good in the eyes of others especially strangers.

Someone once asked me (maybe a preacher giving a sermon?): Why do we always try to impress other people? Moreover, why do we always try to impress strangers? They don’t know us. Sometimes we care more about what strangers think instead of those we know and love. (Guilty…) How stupid is that, right? Instead, we should be trying to impress the ones we know and love and not by physical looks but by ethics and morals. Even more important is impressing ourselves. Not with how well our hair looks today or how much our eyeliner allows our eyes to pop, but simply by being ourselves, being happy, and sticking to whatever our beliefs and ethics are. You can be the most beautiful, stunning, drop-dead model in the world, but you’re nothing unless you have a backbone, a smart mind, and the heart to be yourself and stand up for what you believe in.

If dressing up makes YOU feel good, dress to the nines! But if you’d rather wear a comfortable pair of shorts and a slinky tank, go for it. It all rests with how you feel about yourself and living in YOUR skin the way it was designed for YOU. Not conforming to the image that society (or anyone else, for that matter) designs.

I’m still on vacation, and I’m using the rest of it to live and be how I want to be - comfortable in my own skin, doing things my way, and dressing and looking the way I see fit. I’ve only been doing it just this morning, but I already feel better and MUCH more comfortable. Now to enjoy some beach time… MY WAY!! And who cares if I don’t have the perfect beach body. I’m here to soak up rays, read a book, and relax with my hubby. (And he seems to think my body looks just fine. Why am I worried about impressing anyone else?)

Chin up, Buttercups! Fling the door to the world wide open and strut your stuff. Have a great self-loving day, ya’ll!!

Don't Change So People Will Like You.
Be Yourself and the Right People Will
Love the Real You!

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” C.S. Lewis

I love this quote, and it is so true! I think a lot of people believe you have to decide your future the minute you leave high school and that whatever future you decide at that crucial moment is what you have to do for the rest of your life.

For some people that is what happens. For those who want to be doctors, lawyers, politicians… the “long-haul” jobs. But even those jobs don’t have to be completely long-haul. (Of course, once you spend that much money on education, you kind of have to stick with it for a while.)

One of my dreams - My farm
(which is also home to my dance studio)

I guess my main message is going out to those young adults - those getting ready to graduate high school or those recent grads, who still aren’t sure what to do with their lives. Heck, I’m almost 30, and I’m still looking for new things to do! Just because you choose an interest or direction when you jump into the “real world” doesn’t mean you’re stuck with that for the rest of your life. If you like your decision, great! But if you find yourself searching for more, then search! There’s no harm in that.

No one ever said “One person has to have ONE dream.” Dream many dreams!!! I own a dance studio. I am a writer. I own a small farm. I own a small web design business. I coach sports at my local high school. I’ll do just about anything that interests me. I even had a recent small stint in massage therapy.

Another cool dream coming true - Road tripping from a
 clogging performance in PA with my Sundance Express girls

Or if you’re involved in a career you just aren’t happy in, re-evaluate your life, your dreams, and your goals. You may have to make some lifestyle changes to pursue your dreams, but (in my opinion) we only get one life to live! Why not go for it?!

Keep yourself open! Life is way to short to tie yourself down to one dream; however I will throw out this piece of cautious advice: If you get too many dreams on your plate, then you’ll just end up spinning your wheels. One or two goals at a time. MAYBE three if you’re a really organized person, but anymore than that and you’ll likely be tripping over yourself.

It’s okay if you’re 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 or 70 by the time you decide to shoot for some new stars. You’re never too old to dream and never too old to have a new goal.

In fact, it’s pretty cool to be able to get through a couple of your goals, turn around, and think “Okay! Now what?!” Imagine experiencing as much as you can in one lifetime. You might as well, right? You don’t get another shot.

And another message to the young folks: If you have an idea of a direction, job, or education you want to pursue right out of high school, I say “Go for it!” Even if you’re thinking “Well, this sounds fun, but I don’t know if I’m being realistic.” Still go for it! You won’t know until you try, so you might as well give it a whirl. If a year or so goes by, and it’s not your thing, then move on. Or if you think you might be interested in a certain industry but aren’t sure, get an entry-level job in that industry before college, find out if you like it, and if so, seek education and training to move yourself higher in that industry.

Be smart about pursuing your dreams and goals. Definitely don’t waste money, but be careful of time because it does tend to slip away rather quickly. (My 20’s have slipped away quicker than I thought they would!)

And don’t pile your plate too full. Finish your first helping and then go back for seconds. Or thirds! But always, ALWAYS try!

Have a plan. Better yet… have a couple different plans. Plan A, B, and C. Plan A for your main goal, plan B for the back-up plan if you don’t like that, and C the plan for “Ok, nothing is working and I need to make money to live, sooooo…. I’ll be doing this.”

Above all, shoot for what makes you happy.

My husband once said to me “People have a way of coming back to what is comfortable.” When I asked him what he meant, he said, “A lot of times when people try to push for something that doesn’t fit them, they just end up coming back to what they ultimately want.” Good point. He’s a smart man. My take on that – people shouldn’t try to make square dreams fit into a round heart. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t pursue it just because you “should.” Pursue it because you want to! Otherwise, you’ll probably regret it. (But now we’re getting a little off topic. That’s for another post, I suppose.)

My overall point – DREAM! No matter what age you are, and no matter what dream you’re currently dreaming. You only get one life to try to experience all the things that have ever made you think “Hmm…. That sounds like a cool thing to do.” They don’t have to be extravagant. If you’ve ever thought “Hmmm…. It would be interesting to be a dog walker” or “Hmmm…. I wonder what brain surgery would be like?” (Only kidding on that last one. That’s definitely a “long haul” job.) Ultimately, time’s a tickin! Hop on it!

What’s your current dream? What are goals you have planned for down the road? I’d love to see some comments!

“God will never leave you empty. He will replace everything you lost. If he asks you to put something down, it’s because he wants you to pick up something greater.” - Unknown

Have you ever worked towards a goal? Put your time into something just knowing it’s a sure thing in the future? Maybe you’ve worked with an organization for years. You have faith in this organization, and you’re working hard to achieve a certain job or status. You think “Next year at this time… I’ll have it,” or “All this hard work will pay off one day.” Only – surprise, surprise – the following year gets here and the position you have worked so hard for is offered to someone else. You try to accept the reality with grace, but you can’t push the thought from your head that YOU were the more deserving candidate. “I put all this time in only to fall short of my ultimate goal. All that time wasted,” you think. It’s frustrating and aggravating, and sometimes enough to make you throw a tantrum. Well, not really. (Okay. Maybe really…)

I recently had a situation similar to this - a project I put years of time, effort, and love into. The project was on the verge of blossoming (and had been for quite some time), but in the end, it fell apart. In addition to other sadness surrounding the project, I was devastated. Beyond devastated. It was honestly one of my biggest dreams, and now I faced the harsh reality that it may never happen. It took months before I was halfway able to get up and dust myself off. I still haven’t completely, but it’s getting better. Hour by hour, day by day, month by month.

When something like this happens to you, it’s hard not to concentrate on it all the time. My biggest thing was listening to music, which I love to do. A simple drive into town would result in a song on the radio that reminded me of my worries. Sometimes I would let the song play and embrace the sadness and other times I’d turn the channel really quick out of fear, denial, or courage to carry on – however you want to look at it.

But we have to move on – in some capacity or another. And, for me, it helped to take it hour by hour.

It also helped to concentrate on other blessings. Of course, that wasn’t always easiest. It was much easier to sit on my couch in my PJ’s and sulk and cry screaming “Why is this happening?!” But in order to carry on, you have to force the good thoughts in and force the bad thoughts out. Willpower!!!

During this time, one of my friends told me I needed help (yeah… like professional help.) At a time, I thought my friend might be right, but whenever I started letting the good things in again, I found out pretty quickly I did have things (plenty of things) to be happy about. Of course, I always knew I had other blessings in my life. It’s just almost easier, for some reason, to concentrate on the negative. I wonder why that is? I wonder if all humans are like that or if it’s just me? Anyway, concentrating on the good was harder than concentrating on the bad, but I found happiness in the good that I could cling on to - happiness that made fighting back the bad things easier. And happiness that reminded me about the good memories that actually were buried deep in that “failed project.”

That project may have “failed,” but on the journey to making that project succeed, I had some of the most memorable and happiest experiences of my life - memories I wouldn’t trade for the world. They say “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Well, for some people that may not be true, and at one time, I didn’t believe that myself, but looking back, that quote kind of applies. I would much rather have “failed” at that project than never experienced the wonderful journey.

I’ve been putting the world “failed” in quotations. How much can we actually “fail” at something we had a good time doing? Maybe the success isn’t at the end of the journey. Maybe success isn’t completely defined in the actual full accomplishment of a goal? Maybe the success is that we were actually given the opportunity to take the journey and we had the courage and drive to take it?

Furthermore, I also remember another well-known quote: “When one door closes, another one opens.” It’s definitely sometimes hard to close a door on one portion of your life. It may even be the hardest thing you ever do. But truly where one chapter of your life ends, another will start. Just have the courage to open that next door. You may not think it is what you want to do, but it may be what you were meant to do, and it’s definitely what you have to do. It’s a hard faith to have sometimes – knowing what you HAVE to do and doing it whether you want to or not.

And too, you may never know when that chapter of your life may be revisited in your story. Some dreams don’t work out; however sometimes things have an interesting way of falling into place at the right time – the right time may be now or the right time may be ten or twenty years from now. OR maybe… just maybe… there is something all-together greater waiting in your path ahead. Best wishes for safe and happy travels, and don’t be afraid to open doors…. Or even kick them down.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

“To love a person is to see all of their magic and to remind them of it when they have forgotten.” – Unknown

I decided to take advantage of Valentine’s Day and post my thoughts about love. Not about that special love in your life, the one and only match to your soul…. I’m talking about love toward not only your significant other, but your family, friends, and any other special people in your lives.

Each of us have those wonderful, treasured people we hold so dear – your significant other, mother or father, sister, brother, cousin, grandparent or other relative, or your dearest friend who knows your heart inside and out and shares the same loves, passions, interests, and humors as you do.

One of my very magical friends, Amanda

I’m sure you can think of a few people off the top of your head. (Go ahead… Think about them!) Those people spread magic throughout our lives. Their courageous spirit, sweet love, adventurous will, or tender souls touch our hearts every day with kindness, affection, and all the good and pure emotions we need to survive. That’s right – survive. These emotions aren’t just an add-on to our day or icing on the cake. They are the cake. They are what keeps us fueled and pushing forward when the road gets tough. These people care for you and would, in most cases, not think twice about stepping in front of danger for you and often times dying for you. Seriously – dying for you. That’s a pretty big example of love.

One of the biggest rocks in my life, my sister Crysta,
and her two beautiful "pebbles," Becca and Suzie,
also very magical young ladies.

What would we do without these people? They are the glue that holds our lives together and the inspiration that steers us to be the people we want to be. They are there for us in the good times and there for us when life sucks. And in turn, we have to be there for them as well.

We all dearly love our family and friends, but our loved ones (just like we do) sometimes have off days. As uplifting and graceful as these amazing folks are, they have their downtimes, too, and the toughest thing about being a friend is seeing a friend at their worst. But on the flipside, the best thing about being a friend is being there to lift them up when they fall and being with them when they fly.

That is what friendship is all about – being there unconditionally, in sun, snow, or sleet, in the best of times or the worst of times, when they need us and sometimes when they think they don’t.

My boulder, my wonderful husband, Robby

So many people celebrate Valentine’s Day by giving chocolates and flowers to their sweetie. That’s all well and good, but don’t forget that Valentine’s Day is the day of love, which means loving your husband or wife OR loving those other important people that care for you just as much.

And here’s the other kicker – Valentine’s Day is just one day. Remember to love the other 364 days of the year, too. We should remember to show our loved ones everyday how much we cherish them.

Okay, so occasionally our loved ones can rake our nerves – when mom reminds you to “call me when you leave, and call me when you get there, and call me when you’re on your way, but don’t use your cell phone while driving,” or when a sibling steals your favorite white sweater only to spill chocolate milk on it, or when tired minds and tight nerves explode between you and a friend. When these things happen, we have to remind ourselves that life and emotions sometimes get the best of us, but in the end, in our hearts, we know who our friends are and how much they care for us.

Our Stephenson family rock, my grandmother Dot,
with another very strong figure in my life, cousin Dave.

In a friendship or relationship, it is up to both parties to help each other through life. I don’t know that we can have just one significant other. I think one needs many different loved ones to survive life. It’s kind of like having a toolbox full of different tools – one can’t use a wrench to hammer a nail. It just wouldn’t work right. The same is true for friends – different friends have different specialties. So keep all your friends close and remind them (and yourself) everyday how special they are. Never take the magic they bring to your life for granted. You truly and seriously never know when that magic could be gone. And always be ready, willing, and able to remind them how magical they are when life gets them down.

(P.S. I would put a picture of my dear, sweet mother on this blog except that she hates pictures of herself, so... Happy Valentine's Day, mom. I didn't post your picture on the blog.) :)

Here’s to the special people who make our lives and the world go round!

Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!! Make everyday Valentine’s Day. Spread the love and be an encouraging and uplifting force in the lives of those you love!

These aren't all of my clogging buddies, but a good chunk of them, and they're definitely a good support system!
Love 'em!!

“'We’ll be friends forever, won’t we, Pooh?' asked Piglet. 'Even longer,' answered Pooh.'" - Winnie the Pooh

It’s time to turn over a new leaf. For me, 2013 was probably one of the hardest years of my life. Actually, I take that back. It WAS the hardest year of my life. Don’t get me wrong – I had many blessings bestowed upon me last year, but the darkness of so many tragedies all but covered up the joy from any miracles. Seriously, 2013 was the toughest emotional year of my life.

This was the year of losing people. Some people I lost because their time had come to leave the world, whether it was from natural death or by extreme, unfortunate tragedy.

Then, there were those toxic people. You know – I spoke of them in a post from last year. I think we all have those toxic people in our lives. They’re terrible, aren’t they? Sometimes they’re people you really, really want to love, but they’re too caught up in their own drama or image to care. Of course, then there are those that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you want them to care about you, no matter what you do to gain their respect, or no matter how much they’re supposed to love you, they simply…. won’t. It’s not that they simply, don’t. On some level, these people do love you, it’s just they won’t embrace the opportunity. Instead, they would rather remain hardened, self-absorbed, devious, and selfish (excuse me) asses instead of welcome the loving breath-of-fresh-air that you could be in their lives. And to those people, I say “I’m tired of trying… Forget you! I’ve got more important people to care about!” (Now don’t think this seemingly, strong attitude came to me overnight. No, ma’am or sir. It’s been nearly 30 years in the making, and I still don’t think it’s complete yet. We shall see…)

And then there was another kind of person… and I don’t even know how to describe these people. They’re not the kind that are taken by death, and they’re not (in the same definition as above) “toxic.” They’re the people who have been taken or chose to leave through the workings of another type of tragedy. Remember the people I spoke of last year – the people who were separated from you by an invisible wall that you just couldn’t penetrate? Those are the people I’m talking about. Unfortunately, sometimes that wall gets thicker and thicker until that friend fades away like a ghost. For the Harry Potter fans out there, it’s almost like when Sirius dies: There’s that split, silencing second when the killing blow strikes and everything is still for a moment. You get that sinking feeling in your gut, in your heart. Your breath stops. Then, your friend falls through the vale and you’re forever separated by some kind of weird time and space. In the meantime, all you can do is try to let out the pain and sadness by crying and screaming at the top of your lungs. Those are the ones that broke my heart the most. Those are the ones I will probably never fully recover from.

As weird as it is to say, I’ve said my good-bye’s to all of these people. Those “toxic” ones? I gladly opened the door to my life, held them up by the belt, and booted their butt out, pleasingly waving “buh-bye!!” while they’re flying through the threshold.

For the people who left this world, I can only hope to see them again in a world where we can be together like we used to or get to know each other like we didn’t. My grandfather passed away this year… a man I really thought would never die, but he did. I talked to him some while he was here, but I wouldn’t say I ever got to “know” him. Nonetheless, it still brings a lump to my throat when I remember him, especially when I think of the last words he said to me: “Don’t forget me.” My grandfather was controversial, but he was my grandfather even so. I hope there is an opportunity for us to catch up and get to know each other better one day.

And though I will always continue to morn the loss of dear friends who have “passed through the vale,” I will never forget them. I will remember them as I once knew them – an inspiring force with a heart of gold, someone who taught me so much about myself and my history, a teacher, a protector, a type of soul mate, a guide, a loving figure, a bridge to a deeper part of me and my past, or an adventuring spirit that will linger on with me throughout the rest of my days and then some… for better or for worse. Like Peter Pan who has returned to Neverland for the last time or a cowboy who walks slowly away into the sunset. These are the cuts that are too deep, but in some way or another, God has given me the strength to “deal” (for lack of a better term) with the loss of these individuals as well as the strength to push forward in my own life no matter how hard that may be sometimes especially when memories of these people pass through my head multiple times a day when the sound of a song, the smell of a fragrance, or the sight of something… enchanting, beautiful, or majestic comes along.

I always wondered what people meant when they say “God spoke to me.” Now, I’m not saying God spoke to me or anything… maybe he did. I don’t know. But I do know (now) that I have to move forward and that living my life and accomplishing goals that I may have once had with these individuals is the only way to honor who they were, who they could’ve been, what they could’ve given, or what they could’ve had. Not only that, but I know I have to hold so tight to the goodness these people once gave not only me but to others around me - to not ever let their magic or influence die. While there was once magic in those people (and magic there may still be, buried deep), their magic lives in me and those they passed it on to. The only way for the good spirits of these people to truly live is for their loved ones to pass along their wonderful spirit and never forget their good.

Yes, this post is a little deep, but I guess I just needed it to get on with the new year. I hope I can retain all of this “hope,” “confidence,” or whatever it is that I seem to have. I know that not every day is going to be great, and I will remember these people down the road (some more often than others), and there will be days I have to cry my eyes out but eventually pick myself back up, give myself a good kick in the butt, toss out my box if Kleenex, and get on with it already, especially when I have other wonderful and loving opportunities and friends smiling back at me. After all, you only get one life to live, and for those who, for one reason or another, can’t live their lives, I intend to live it enough for the both of us.

“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger,” right? Well, it hasn’t killed me, so I guess I’m stronger. We’ll see…

And with that, I give a tip of the top hat to all of those wonderful people I’ve lost. For better or for worse, you’ll be with me forever. “We’ll be friends forever, wont we, Pooh?” Yes, Piglet, forever.

Now it’s time to forget the bad, remember the good, embrace the present, and prepare for, what I’m determined is going to be, a glorious future.

Happy New Year, everyone. I hope this post has helped with any struggles you are going through, and may your new year bring blessings and triumphs beyond your wildest imagination!

"The only thing that stays the same is everything changes." - my Dad

So why is that? Why is it that everything always has to change? I know… that is kind of a dumb question because we all know change is inevitable. Some change is good, but it’s the bad change that sucks. Why do good things have to go away and bad things replace them? Why are things that are so sacred taken away?

I wish I could go back to when I was a little girl. Of course, some times things weren’t always so great then either. Despite troubles that my parents had during their marriage, I remember the good old days and smile. I remember saddling up my horse and riding through the big pasture – a piece of land that dad always taught me was so sacred. I look at it now and reminds me of when I was a little girl – when I would jump the creeks on my horse, Carebear Charlie, or when I would help dad round up cattle. But those memories also make me sad because it reminds me that those days are gone and are never coming back. A way of life that used to be so bright in my mind has turned into cobweb-covered memories of something that felt like a dream – a good dream, but a dream nonetheless. Times that have passed by. Times that seem like they never were. Times that I wish I could transport myself back to.

The most wonderful big pasture ever!! ...with David and Erica's house on the other side. :)
(P.S. This picture doesn't even come close to doing it justice!!)

That big pasture lay in between my home and my cousins, David and Erica. It seemed like David and I were inseparable during our childhood summers. I would wake up in the morning, and it wouldn’t be too long before I could see a little black dot coming through the middle of the pasture. The little black dot started at David’s house, and eventually the little black dot found its way to my house. David and I would play video games (“Master Blaster” to be specific. Of course, we only had a grand total of three Nintendo games. The other two were "Super Mario Brothers" and "Duck Hunt.") Next to Nintendo, imagination was usually our only other toy. David would be Batman, I would be Cat Woman, and we would fight an imaginary Joker. There was also occasional X-men adventures, too. I went back and forth between Storm and Rouge. David, of course, was Wolverine. (And now I’m a huge fan of Hugh Jackman…)

But things have changed…. Now David lives in North Carolina. Luckily, though, I know I can show up on his door step pretty well anytime, and he will gladly reminisce with me about those days. (I guess he is my portal to the past.) But our nostalgic sessions are always too few and far between.

And my horse Charlie – she is still around but is in retirement living out her days in my pasture next to mom’s house where I grew up. The big pasture is, of course, still there, but things are not the way they used to be. Everything has changed. Kids have grown up. The flowing streams that Charlie and I jumped have dried up. The old dilapidated fences are relics of what used to be a large cattle operation. I’m lucky enough that Erica has moved home, and I’m able to visit with her when and if the two of us aren’t running around like chickens with our heads cut off. But growing up has gotten in the way.

I’d now like to take the time to say… “Being an adult sucks….” Sure, you get to make all of your own decisions, and you can drive, and do other cool adult things. But on nights like tonight, I just wish those childhood days were back again - those days when living was so simple and it wasn’t crap hitting the fan every other day. Well… crap did hit the fan, but I guess it was just less crap or one concentrated pile of it. You didn’t have to deal with the horrendous multitude of trials and tribulations that adult life throws at you. I’ve had more things happen to me and people I love in the past couple years that made me think: “Are you serious???!!!!” Bad things happening to good people, friends leaving, betrayal of loved ones, and just general adult junk…. Ugh…. Some days I want to ask “When is it going to stop??!!”

Now don’t get me wrong. There’s a lot of good, too. I definitely have things to be happy about. But when you come face to face with relics from the past – things or people that have changed and transformed from the childhood images you remember so clearly – it’s just enough to make you want to bury yourself in your bedroom, lock the door, pull the covers up over your head, and never come out.

I guess this post will classify as a rant. I usually try to post happy, uplifting posts, but everyone has their days when they just can’t seem to get out of a rut. That’s me today. I guess I should be thankful though – thankful I have those good memories from childhood, thankful I had a horse when most little girls only dreamed of getting a horsie for Christmas, thankful to have had awesome cousins (a tip of the hat to Adam and Aaron as well), thankful to have had a great big sister who would write me poetry and send home from college, thankful to have an amazing mother who made the best egg salad sandwiches, and thankful to have had the best big pasture a girl could ever have. Furthermore, I’m thankful to still have that sanctuary that I can go to on crappy days. Even though the memories of my home sometimes make me greatly miss days gone by, I can always drive a little ways down the road, through the tunnel of trees at Vanderpool Gap, and breathe a sigh of relaxation and relief when the trees open up to show the most beautiful piece of land I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I just hope and pray that’s one thing that never changes.

“The world is indeed full of peril and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair...” – J.R.R. Tolkin - Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

The full quote is “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.”

There are people in our lives that we have lost. Some of them are good and remind us of happier days – a world of escape where all things are simple, pure, and dream-like. These people we hold near and dear to our hearts and near and dear to that side of our personalities, of ourselves, that not many people know. The vulnerable, innocent side that makes your heart feel fully open to the world because, even though you may have troubles and fears, you know you are stronger because that person (or people) are around. It’s that feeling of family or kindred spirits – a grace that descends upon your soul and wraps it in a warm blanket of comfort – the kind of comfort you feel when the warm sunshine hits your face or when you first smell fresh, clean laundry – the relaxing sound of a brook trickling through the woods or a songbird singing on a warm, spring day when the wind is blowing just enough to gently brush your face like the hand of an adoring mother.

On the other hand, there are those people we’ve lost (or chose to lose) that are evil, vindictive, and weigh us down with grief, sorrow, stress, and depression. These people, in some sick, twisted way, find joy in hurting others. They think the world is a horrible place and that everyone in it has turned against them. That nothing in their life is fair and now they have to punish those around them, even those who love them. Being on the receiving end of this kind of negativity can almost drown out every other good thing life is serving up. Ninety-five percent of your life can be good and happy, but these people that consume the other five percent of our lives push down on our chests and into our hearts making us bitter and angry or sad and depressed. Things that once were joyful aren’t anymore. Things that should make us happy, don’t. And what makes it even worse is when the demons that hurt us are people that we love and sometimes love deeply. They’re the people we want to be close to (and maybe at sometime were), but time has shown us that they truly care nothing about us, our well-being, or the well-being of those we love. Instead, they care about themselves. So much so that they will push you off your feet, dig at your heart with their demonic talons, and let you get up only to kick you back down. On top of it all, all you want from them is love - love that you know deep inside they will never give.

And then there are the horrible times when the people we love, the good people, are taken from us, sometimes through death, sickness, or life’s changes. Perhaps a childhood friend is taken from us when their family relocates. Or when a person who has been a staple in our lives for so long is separated from us when they leave this world and travel to the great beyond.

However, there are sometimes, maybe rare cases, when friends are taken from us for reasons we don’t know and may never understand. Circumstances beyond our control, whatever they may be, build a wall between us and our loved ones - a wall that we can beat against and scratch at and kick and cry at, but a wall that never tumbles. And after fighting until you can’t fight anymore, you collapse at the base of the wall only to hear your loved one’s voice on the other side. So close, but so far away.

Yes, there are dark times in the world full of grief and despair, but the world is still fair because we were able to, even if for only a short time, know these people.

There’s one thing that we must remember throughout the trials and tribulations of love and hate: Look for the good. I’ve found that even when it comes to the bad people in my life, demons may have, at one point, been angels. Maybe only for a short, fleeting window, but it’s that short, fleeting window that we have to concentrate on. Those were the times when those people were who we truly wanted them to be, who they were supposed to be before evil consumed them. Remember them in those times like a friend or family member who has passed on. The venomous person who still lives and who you let go is not the person from your memories who you love. That person has been taken away from us, and we can only pray they return one day, but know they may never. This is the same thought we must keep for those we love and cherish, but can not see. Whether they have left this earth or whether they are still here and just on the other side of the wall, we must remember how much they love us and never second guess that love.

You know you truly love a person when you can feel them even when they’re not around, even when they’re not on this earth anymore. That moment when you hear a song, smell a fragrance, or touch a memory, and you can close your eyes and look into theirs just like they were standing right there with you. You can almost feel their arms wrapping around you, holding you, trying to communicate to you that everything is going to be okay regardless of how ultimately crappy things may feel. They are close. The hardest part is not being able to actually see them. But they’re still there. They are imprinted on your soul forever in a way that makes your body tingle when you think of them – a connection stronger than any other in the universe.

For those negative entities… I am thankful even for the most toxic people in my life because there are times I shared with them that I hold special. In addition, there are lessons these people taught me, good or bad, that shaped the person I am today, sometimes for better or sometimes for worse. I truly believe there is (or was) good in everyone. Some people just don’t seem to have as much of it and run out before the rest of us do.

And for those good people who are taken from us… As much as it tears my heart into pieces to think they’re not with me now, as much as I sometimes feel like I literally can’t survive one more second without them, I know I would much rather feel the pain of not having them around, than to have lived never knowing them or the absolute magic they brought to my life. These are the people we feel in our hearts and souls. If you can literally feel them when they’re not around, then love has to be present. Hold close the fact that your paths may cross again some day, maybe in life, maybe in death, or maybe in a dream. But when and if those paths do cross, and you find your long lost friend, you can run to them, hug them tight, and never let them go.

Yes, there are dark times in the world full of grief and despair, but the world is still fair. And yes, love truly is mingled with grief, but without grief, we wouldn’t know love. But maybe it is possible, for the majority of the time anyway, to push away the grief of the negative people. Not in a way that will make them pop up again when we least expect, but in a way that allows us to understand the grief and accept it for what it is. Yes, it may still hurt us, but maybe we can keep our eyes open wide to see and remember those we love and the good times they brought to our lives. Look beyond the grief and into the love, joy, and goodness of life and those special people. Expel the bad, and concentrate on the good. Let hate and sorrow go, and allow love to grow all the greater.

"Take Your Passion, and Make It Happen!" - Flashdance

Ashani Mfuko

Editor's Note: The following post is by Ashani Mfuko of Kiner Enterprises' Dancer's Blog. Ashani Mfuko is an advocate and supporter of dancers, dance instructors, and their dreams. This post really stuck out to me as a bit of a reality mixed with "You can do it!!" for younger dancers to think about. Making it as a dancer isn't easy, but it can be done!! There's just some things you have to consider and keep in mind throughout the process. The road has it's up's and down's but there are definite possibilities along the way as long as you have gas in your tank and knowledge in your brain. You just have to keep your chin up and keep pushing! Enjoy this guest post! www.kinerenterprises.com

 As a dance teacher, I get to speak to and interact with many of you on a regular basis, and thanks to social media, I connect with a lot of you online as well. Today I wanted to share ten important career tips with you, that I believe you need to know. But these are things that you may not have heard from your dance teachers, mentors, or parents before. Consider this a wake-up call, and some straight talk to prepare you for what’s to come in your future career as a professional dancer, to help empower you and educate you in a real, and practical way. Knowledge is power.

1. There are not many paid jobs out there for dancers. I tell my students this all the time, not to discourage them or scare them, but so that they will be aware of reality. There simply aren’t enough paid jobs to match the magnitude of talented, professional dancers that are out there. So what tends to happen is, you’ll find a lot of professional dancers who are dancing for free, in a dance company, or for small gigs, and then they depend on a non-dance related job to pay the bills. Or in some cases, they teach dance classes to pay the bills. This is a huge problem because you (and your parents) obviously didn’t invest thousands of dollars into your training, so that you can dance for free. You’re supposed to be making a living off of your craft. My suggestion (besides going to auditions, and building relationships with your teachers, choreographers, talent agencies, and casting directors) is to get into the habit of creating your own opportunities. Embrace the mindset that YOU are your own big break. You’re not waiting for your big break, or waiting for someone to choose you. Know that the power to create a successful and financially stable dance career lies in your hands, not someone else’s.

2. Having talent and great technique are only half the battle. This is something else that I preach to my students all the time. Imagine this, you’re at a dance audition, and everyone in the room is in great shape, has excellent technique, and are all on pretty much the same level as you. How do you stand out? How do you make the choreographer or casting director’s eyes be drawn to you? There’s a 2-part answer to this question. One, you have to bring your own unique movement and performance quality, emotion, charisma, and expression to the dance. This has to happen not only through your body, but through your facial expression, your focus, your energy, and your intensity. Two, you have to have a “look”. You have to bring something special and unique to the table, in the way that you present yourself. You can do this through how you style your hair, apply your make-up, or through the clothing you wear. You must have a strong presence as a dancer, one that attracts people’s attention to you, and keeps it there.

3. You NEED to develop your other skills and abilities outside of dance. Yes I know, you love to dance, dance is your life, and you can’t imagine ever doing anything else. Yada yada yada. In reality, you need to develop your skills outside of just dancing. But luckily for you, as a dancer, you automatically develop some very valuable and marketable skills without even realizing it: adaptability, strong communication skills, the ability to well work with others on a team, you work well under pressure, you’re a fast-learner, you’re able to break things down into steps, and then create something beautiful, and much more. But even beyond that, get masterful in other areas, whether it’s writing, stage production, lighting design, video production/editing, photography, accounting, marketing, social media, personal training, speaking other languages, teaching, etc. The more that you are able to do, and have to offer, the more valuable you are, and the less likely you are to be broke, and living from paycheck to paycheck. Or even worse, stuck working at a job that you hate, just to pay the bills. Expand your horizons, learn more, and diversify.

4. You NEED an education. Knowledge is power. You NEED to learn about money management, budgeting, filing your taxes, investing, marketing, branding, fund raising, business, etc. Whether you choose to go the traditional route of higher education through a college or university, or choose to learn by reading books, and taking courses online, or at your local SBA, the key is to always be learning, growing, and expanding your knowledge base. Not knowing something is unacceptable in today’s world because of the easy accessibility we all have to loads of information online. Don’t ever get comfortable, and feel like, “I’m a dancer/choreographer, all I need to know about is dancing”. You’re lying to yourself, and you’re in denial. People who are smart are the first ones to innovate, and see trends before they even happen. They are always on top of what’s happening in the world around them, and therefore can plan ways to benefit from all of the resources and possibilities that exist in the world today. Get your education on a professional level, and get a self-education as well. Learn more about yourself, your purpose, your values, your strengths, your weaknesses, etc. With all of that knowledge, you can’t lose!

5. Social media is not just for play time and malarkey. You may not have noticed but, there are millions of people and companies all over the world, who are growing profitable and successful brands through social media. There IS a method to the madness, and much that can be done for your professional career through your connections and presence on social media. You may have only been using Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Tumblr for fun, but as you prepare to begin your professional career, you’re going to have to make some changes to how you think about social media. Social media provides opportunities for you to connect directly with people who you would’ve never been able to reach 5 or 10 years ago. It also provides you with an opportunity to present your best self, and all that you have to offer as a dance professional, to potential casting directors, producers, choreographers, talent agencies, and dance companies. Start looking at social media as your way to build your professional network, establish your reputation, and make valuable connections, and stop posting photos of you and your friends’ late night binges and excursions to “da club”.

6. Take Care of Your Body!!! Your body is your instrument! You only get one. If you were a musician, let’s say a violinist, you would take care of your instrument like it was your child (or maybe your dog lol). You would invest in buying the best instrument possible, and then work hard to maintain its quality, and protect it from bad things happening to it, wouldn’t you? Your body is even MORE important, because you only get one. If something goes wrong with this body, you can’t go out and buy another one. Treat your body with respect and care. Do not eat crap! Do not smoke! Do not drink! Do not do drugs!!! These are all things that work AGAINST your body operating at its best, for the long-term. Stretch every day, take your dance classes, work out at the gym or at home to develop strength in areas that you can’t focus solely on during your dance classes. Build up your endurance and stamina. Strengthen your muscles. Eat clean. Rest, and get enough sleep every night. Get rid of toxic friends or relationships in your life. Take care of your spirit and your soul through prayer, meditation, and reading the bible. Be good to yourself. Speak life, and positive thoughts to yourself, and to others. Keep negativity, bitterness, hatred, and jealousy away from you at all costs. Love yourself!!

7. It IS about who you know, and your reputation will make or break you. It’s not a rumor, it’s the truth. There is definitely something to be said for knowing the “right people”, and having the right connections in this business. You can call it politics, you can call it unfair, you can call it whatever you want to call it. The truth is, when you build relationships with people, and people know, like, and trust you, you have an advantage over someone else who they don’t know, like, or trust. When you have a great reputation for being professional, on time, hard-working, fun to be around, and great to work with, that reputation precedes you, and can get you jobs that you didn’t even audition for. In this business, you never know who you’re going to meet, and you sometimes don’t even know who you’re talking to. You could just strike up a conversation with someone at a dance studio, event, or coffee shop, and find out later that they’re a producer for a Broadway show, or a television exec. or casting director. You never know. Always present your best self, and carry yourself with dignity and respect. Treat people the way you want to be treated, and be kind, friendly, and pleasant to every person you meet. Always have your professional business cards on hand, and make sure that your online presence (your website, blog, Facebook page, Twitter profile, YouTube channel, etc.) match the level of professionalism that you present to people in person.

8. Humility is key. You can be working today, and unemployed tomorrow. You can be at the top of your game today, and seriously injured tomorrow. You could be the best in your company, city, or studio today, and be the worst in your company, city, or studio tomorrow, when a new dancer, or batch of dancers comes in. “Don’t get gassed”, as they say. Stay humble. There’s always someone else out there who is better than you in some way.

9. Confidence is also key. Let’s not go to extremes here. Don’t beat yourself up, be highly critical of yourself, or downplay your gifts and talents as a dance artist. You’ve worked hard to reach the level that you’re at, and you should be proud of that. God has given you something unique and special, that no one else has. Be confident in that. We’ve all seen that dancer either on tv, in the studio, or at a performance, that is inadvertently apologizing for taking up space on the dance floor, and it is truly painful to watch. Be confident in who you are as a dancer, and project that confidence to your audience, at all times (even when you mess up).

10. You will NEVER train at the level and intensity that you are training at now, ever again. Once you graduate from college, or complete whatever pre-professional program you’re currently in, and start your professional career, you will never train again for 4-6 hours a day, every day. Why not, do you ask? Because no one pays you to train/take dance classes. Most of your time will be spent working to pay your rent, pay for food, and your other expenses, in addition to going to auditions. It will be a tremendous blessing for you, if you are able to take one class every day, consistently. Oh, and did I mention how expensive dance classes are? Yeah, at about $20 a pop, expect to be spending at least $100 per/week on dance classes, and that’s if you only take one class a day, five days a week.

Now there are of course, work study programs at many of the local dance studios in NYC. You can get discounted classes (or free in some cases), in exchange for working a certain number of hours at the dance studio, which is cool. But remember, there are only so many hours in a day. You still have to work at a job that pays you, take classes, audition, rehearse, perform, and oh yeah, have a social life of some sort! If you are able to get into a professional dance company that pays you for rehearsals and performances, and also offers company classes every day, your are TRULY blessed. But those situations are hard to come by.

I told you at the beginning of this post that this would be a reality check, and some straight talk for you. So I know that it’s not all rosy and pretty, and covered in honey, but sometimes you need a good ol’ reality check.

The moral of the story is: Work hard, Work smart, learn, grow, diversify, take your career and your craft seriously, invest your time and your money wisely, and keep the passion, and a positive attitude for what you do every day. It won’t always be easy, but I promise you that it will be worth it.

“If Only We’d Stop Trying to be Happy, We’d Have a Pretty Good Time.” – Edith Wharton

As humans, we sometimes too frequently tend to concentrate on the things we don’t have rather than the things we do. Or the things we can’t do rather than the things we can. I’ve noticed that especially about myself. I get caught up thinking about the bigger things in life, the things I haven’t accomplished yet, things I don’t have - a new car, more money, the ability to buy my dream house. I often wonder if I have taken advantage of every dance opportunity I could in life. Should I have chosen another path to accomplish more or tried to perform on a larger level? Did I miss a chance? I don’t really have the desire to be well-known, rich, or famous, but the desire to feel successful like I have made my life worthwhile. Like I have done something to be worthy of the opportunity to have a life and to have walked the earth. Whether its goals, success, money, or material possessions, I feel we sometimes work harder trying to acquire things instead of enjoying the things we already have. I know I’m guilty of that.

Being a dreamer is so much fun because I try to push my boundaries everyday. Dreamers look at life as living not just surviving. But I’m finding there also seems to be a lot of pressure to a dreamer’s lifestyle. Or mine anyway… There are so many things to accomplish in this wondrous lifetime and not enough time to do it in. We sometimes think we have a full-life to get everything done - usually 90 years or so - but that’s not always the case. As we all know, each day is not a guarantee, and life could end in the blink of an eye with a car wreck, an act of violence, a freak accident, or a brain aneurism. Anything can happen. No day is guaranteed. No hour is guaranteed. And by golly, be grateful for the seconds. In a second, you can experience a smile, a look, a touch – those smaller miracles we sometimes forget when planning for the “big” moments of our lives.

Here’s my dilemma: One of my big aspirations in life has been to be a professional dancer. Not for the fame, but for the experience. (And a little fortune wouldn’t hurt either, but like some of my past posts have said, “I don’t do it for the money.”) And sometimes I think: “I have to accomplish this! This is one thing I’ve always wanted to do! I must get this checked off of my bucket list before it’s too late!” I want to perform at unique places for amazing audiences who really got psyched up over my group’s performances – I guess a kind of a clogging rockstar… as funny as that sounds. Mainly it’s just longing for that energy that you get from the combination of an awesome, intense performance and an electric crowd. There’s no better feeling.

But then there’s this little voice in my head, this wise little voice that has the perfect advice. “Shut your mouth and open your eyes, Dorothy!!” College basketball coach Dean Smith once said, “If you make every game a life-and-death proposition then you’re going to have problems. For one thing, you’ll be dead a lot.” It’s kind of the same thing with life. If you go through life thinking about everything you don’t have and how you can obtain it, you’ll miss out on the things you do have. It’s a simple thought that we all keep in the back of our minds, but we so rarely remember it. I’ve been reading Michael J. Fox’s Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist. In the opening pages, Michael, who suffers from Parkinson’s Disease, talks about his morning routine of waking up to an already twitching body, the battle to put on his slippers because his body is contorting and fighting him and itself, his first steps awkward steps of the day that lead to the bathroom where he will proceed to apply toothpaste to his Oral B – a task that, with Parkinson’s, as about as easy to accomplish in an old pick-up truck on a back country road filled with potholes. But with toothpaste finally on the brush, Fox inserts the cleaning device in his mouth and opens his neurological floodgates letting his right hand twitch and jump to its nerve’s content. He describes it as being better than the most powerful state-of-the-art electric toothbrush on the market.

Just a few paragraphs away, Michael talks about physical strength, spontaneity, physical balance, and the freedom to do what you want, but Michael doesn’t have that anymore. That struck me enough to lay the book down, walk into my office to grab my laptop, and walk back to my couch. With my laptop in hand and couch in sight, something hit me. I was able to easily get up from my couch and WALK into my office, grab my laptop, and WALK back in a matter of a couple seconds. I wondered how difficult that task might have been for Michael. It would be more of a chore battling a twitching body on the way to and from. But of course, Michael has something to be appreciative of (and I’m sure he is!) – the fact that he can walk at all.

The other thing that struck me was the comment about spontaneity. If I wanted to, I could jump in my car at any moment, throw caution to the wind, pick up a good friend, and take a road trip across country. Of course, there’s that little worry of work, money, and responsibilities, but physically I could do that. There are a lot of people who couldn’t.

Going back to my original point – we get so wrapped up in trying to be richer, trying to be more successful, trying to accomplish so much that we forget what we already have. Oprah Winfrey said “Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never ever have enough.” I found that if I sat back and thought about what I have, then I HAD a greater amount than what I DIDN’T HAVE. So what am I worried about?

A geocaching adventure with a few good friends

When we scratch and claw and dig so hard to try to get more wealth, success, or whatever we’re going after, we sometimes develop tunnel vision. We forget the small blessings. An evening walk with a friend, watching a movie with family, enjoying the soft smell of freshly dried laundry, laying on a blanket with friends while enjoying the site of a sky full of stars, enjoying a perfectly prepared steak, or even something as simple as feeling warm sunbeams on your face. Where I live, it’s winter outside and temperatures are low. I’m not a fan of cold weather at all, but I love the winter because of how warm it makes the house feel. I long for the warmer weather when my hubby and I can hit the road to one of his favorite car shows or when I can hit up a geo-cache or two with a few fun friends. But while I long for green grass, blue sky, and 80-degree temperatures, I still count my blessings that I can sit at my window and SEE the big puffy snowflakes fall from the sky or that I can WALK up a hill to snowtube down, wipeout at the bottom, laugh at myself, and get back up and do it all over again. These are the memories I will remember. Dancing on big stages or in front of the perfect crowd is amazing and is a pretty cool experience and accomplishment, but times of peace and quiet and marveling and soul searching with friends… that’s just what life is truly all about. Besides… if we got what we wanted all the time, consistently everyday… how special would it truly be?

The Best Success

Wondering whether I have chosen the right path, wondering if I am successful enough, wondering if I could’ve performed on bigger stages… All I have to do is dance with my kids, watch the smiles on their faces while they’re having fun in class, watch the comradery develop among my dancers whether they’re performing or competing… Dancing on a stage with guys and girls who put every ounce of their heart into it… There’s no bigger stage than that. And how lucky am I? I might not be a Julliard graduate or own a big, fancy New York studio, but I’m definitely lucky for all the successes, opportunities, blessings, and people I have in my life.

"Go Confidently in the Direction of Your Dreams. Live the Life You Have Imagined." - Henry David Thoreau

A recent late night talk with a very wise friend led us to the subject of dreams. Why people dream, and why some people don’t dream. And why some people have dreams and don’t pursue them. My like-minded friend and I thought about the people out there who simply didn’t dream or didn’t try to live their dreams. “I don’t understand,” she said, and neither did I.

On the way home from my friend’s house, I thought about those people who were on the brink of chasing their dreams – those people who are at a point in their lives where they can choose the road they’ve always wanted to choose or they can choose the one society deems “realistic.” Or maybe they’re choosing between the path everyone pushes them to pursue and the path they actually want to pursue.

It’s a hard decision when you’re standing at these crossroads. Your first step down this new unknown path will affect the outcome of every moment for the rest of your life.

No pressure, right?

I don’t remember actually coming to that split in the path. Ha! Maybe I just skipped down the path so incoherently that I didn’t even see the fork in the road! (With me… it’s quite possible.) Or maybe the decision was just that easy for me. Now that I think about it – I did have a split in the road. I guess it was probably the point I started my dance studio. For those who have been reading the blog, you know the story, but here’s the quick catch-up: I was working the typical nine-to-fiver and just knew that life wasn’t for me, so I quit my job and (as cliché as it might sound) followed my heart and pursued a career in dance. For me, it was a no-brainer.

I was lucky enough to have an easy decision, but I feel for those who struggle with their direction, especially those dreamers who have watchful eyes surrounding them – watchful “realistic-thinking” eyes. Or those who believe great ambitions are expected of them, ambitions everyone has considered a reality for them since they were little, and if those ambitions weren’t fulfilled, the only reality would be failure. The pressure on these dreamers is immense, and sometimes dreams that started out pleasurable and adventurous can turn into tasks, responsibilities that suck the magic out of the experience.

My best advice to those people (take it for what it is and do with it what you will) – you HAVE to push away all of those thoughts and expectations. Yes, those people are important to us. No, we don’t want to let them down. But truly the people who love you will love you and support you no matter what you do. The tasks that you complete and the goals you reach in life are not always the most important thing. Yes, they make for some cool stories and they allow you to check some things off that bucket list, but happiness, true inner happiness, is the utmost goal that anyone should strive for. If happiness means performing on a Broadway stage or traveling the world or being a photographer that snaps that perfect action shot to grace the cover of their favorite magazine, then that’s the path for you. If happiness means raising a family, running a farm, starting your own small business, or simple adventures with friends, then that is the path your footsteps should mark.

Each life is measured differently. Each person defines success differently. For some, success is wealth. For others, success is experience. Success is family. Success is adventure. Success is compassion. Success is influence. Success is teaching. Each person needs to look inside their own dictionary and figure out how they (not the people around them) define success. But one thing that is for sure, one common definition between everyone is that success is happiness – that feeling inside that makes you feel like beams of sunshine are bursting from your heart, the butterflies in the chest, and the smile that slowly spreads across your face when you think about an experience ahead or a goal completed.

Happiness is where you find dreams. Pursue your happiness and your dreams will be there.

And by the way, for those who are standing at the crossroads, for those trying to figure out what exactly your dreams are and what path will make you happy. For those who just aren’t sure what their next step should be or what exact dream they should pursue…. Think about this: Who says choosing one path puts another to darkness? Roads throughout the entire world leave each other and then intersect again. Why can’t our dreams? Why can’t one dream lead to another? And if you’re at a point in your life where you see no path to your dreams, then by golly, make a new one! (How do you think those paths got there in the first place?) Choosing one path for life doesn’t erase the road to another. You may just be taking the scenic route…. which has better views anyway! Dreams can overlap each other. So choose a path not for finality, but for happiness. And if multiple paths are calling out to you, explore them all! That’s why God gave us four-wheel drive.

“Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson

This past Saturday, I attended my local high school’s graduation. The Class of 2012 received their awards and diplomas and tossed their hats in the air in a symbolic opening of the door to the next phase of their life. Happiness, fear, excitement, sadness -  all the emotions mixed together as the graduates bid their classmates and friends good-bye and set out on their own course. Some of them knew what they wanted to do, some of them hadn’t a clue, and some of them were somewhere in the middle. Those people who didn’t know what they heck they were doing… That was me ten years ago.

People might think that I graduated high school with the intent to one day open a dance studio. Nah… Don’t get me wrong. I knew I wanted to clog, but I never considered it for a career of any sort. The funny thing is… my class joked about it being my career. On the last day of my high school career at my class’ Class Day celebration, a committee of my fellow students put together prophecies for each student. What was mine? To move to Pigeon Forge and become a professional clogger. Hmmm… Well, I’m not in Pigeon Forge, but it seems like the other end of that kinda happened. Who’da thunk it?

The guest speaker at this year’s Class of 2012 graduation spoke about being prepared for your future but never really knowing what’s going to happen. I guess Forest Gump was right: “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.” That’s been my experience anyway, but I guess that’s the fun thing about life.

That guest speaker was talking about things that I recently remembered learning about life. He spoke of not being afraid to go after your dreams, but having the understanding things might not always turn out exactly like we planned. It wasn’t a “Hey, you can go after your dreams, but don’t expect them to come true,” speech. It was a realistic speech. A “Here’s what you want to do, and here’s what you going to do. But over here are the millions of different outcomes you could get,” speech.

My class jokingly said I would go to Pigeon Forge and become a clogger. Who knows? Maybe they really thought that. As crazy as I was about clogging in high school, that was probably a realistic guesstimate at the time. And maybe in some corner of my mind, I thought that, too. One thing I did “know” was that I wanted out of the wee-teeny little town I called home. FAR away!

The view from my new studio! (And this photo still doesn't do it justice!)

Turns out – I didn’t get as far away as I thought, and I’m fine with that. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I couldn’t stand to live in a bustling city. I need my wide open spaces. And looky here! I own a dance studio! A small dance studio, but I have great students that light up my face whenever I have them in class. Furthermore, I’m moving into a new studio, and I can pretty much guarantee that no other studio in the world has the fantastic view like my new place! The perfect place for a creative hub – right in the middle of the beautiful rolling hills and countryside of Highland County – a place that inspires me so much today and much more than any sky scrapper, traffic light, or 5 p.m. rush hour traffic would.

In addition to traveling and competing, performing alongside some cool kids and adults, getting a contract with an entertainment agency, and performing at local resorts with my dance partner, I also am free to explore other adventures as well – volunteerism, traveling, writing, farming, and making some amazing memories with some amazing friends in a place that has beauty like no other. No, I’m not in Pigeon Forge or New York City or California or wherever I might find a gig to dance. Why? Because I’ve got the perfect gig right here. And while I get out whenever I want to perform and compete on bigger stages, I’ll gladly stay tucked away in my mountain home with my small, simple dance studio. That’s the life for me – my dream come true.

Sometimes there is no path for what we want to do. Sometimes there is no conventional way to follow our dreams – to live in an area that may or may not support a business that we choose to enter into. But you know what? As Martina McBride says “Do it anyway. Dream it anyway.” When I opened my dance studio, I thought “This is my dream. This is what I HAVE to accomplish.” That also made me think that I had to take my dance career to heights that would dazzle my friends, family, and fellow dancers. I felt was my obligation as a dancer and a dreamer to show those non-believers that dreams really could come true if you worked hard enough. And part of me thought “This is what I will do for the rest of my life.” Now, while I love dance, and I love my students… doing one thing for the rest of my life?? I don’t think so. Give me variety. Give me adventure. Give me more wide open spaces. And as far as dreaming big and accomplishing goals to prove a point, well, it’s all well and good to show those people who say “That’s impossible! You can’t do that!” But when you get to the point where you’re not just content but happy, then that is where you belong. It doesn’t matter if your happiness comes with fame and fortune or if it leads you to a big metropolitan city where everyone THINKS you should be. If you're happy right where you are, then that's where you need to be. Or if you know that you're happiness awaits in that big metropolitan city, then pack your bags and put on your traveling shoes.

I live in a beautiful location where many of my friends think it is impossible to live. I had many people tell me to “Get out of the county quick and make a life for yourself! You’re never going to find wealth and happiness here!” Well, I got news for ‘em. 1) Most people who dream of being a dancer, never count on being rich. And 2) While it may not be monetary, I HAVE found wealth. And you can bet your beanie I’m happy! And I’m living in the town most told me to leave and doing something most told me I couldn’t do. Plus, I get to have a garden, participate in a local theatre group, take part in fun community happens, and (most importantly) hang out chit-chatting with fun friends (sometimes all hours of the night) in an area where we don’t have to worry that much about robberies or violence.

So the moral of the story, kiddos, is exactly what that guest speaker said at graduation on Saturday. “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” We each have our own unique trail to blaze. We all have different needs and different wants and desires. Do not follow the same path your neighbor takes because that path was made for your neighbor. If you try to walk someone else's path, it will probably lead you to a place you don’t want to be or a place you don’t belong. And why on earth should we walk through our one and only life on a path that was not intended for us? We’ve only got one life, so find your path and don’t walk… skip, run, dance, or stop and smell the roses if you want to. Find your path and don’t worry how close it parallels to what some would consider “realistic” or “successful.” If you want to be an actor in Hollywood, go for it! If you find yourself happy as a cashier at a store, then enjoy life and walk out of your career everyday with your head held high knowing you’re doing what you want to be happy. I’ve come to find that success is not a huge house or a big fancy car. Success is happiness, and most of the time I, and most of the people around me, are pretty successful.